School Wars Episode IX: Frozen
by QUACK Inc
Summary: In this episode of School Wars (where characters in Star Wars go to/work in a school), Han Solo is asked to do a special mission for Jabba the Hutt. It sounded innocent enough, but the school bully is up to no good again and puts Han in an interesting situation . . . Copyright QUACK Inc 2016. All characters were taken from Lucasfilm Ltd.'s Star Wars.
1. Chapter 1

Han Solo was scared. Jabba the Hutt asked to meet him in the school yard. Again. Although Han knew the meeting was not for money anymore, he was curious as to what Jabba wanted from him now. And scared. Definitely scared.

Walking with Chewie, his personal bodyguard and friend, Han wasn't _as_ scared, but it was still there.

 _Man up, Han,_ he thought to himself, _even if you don't get away, Chewie will, and he'll get the rest of the gang like last time._

That thought made Han Solo feel better. He squared his shoulders a little.

 _I am Han Solo,_ he thought, _the bad boy of school. No slimy oozeball can ever change that._

He reached the playground, finally. Jabba was standing there, with his cronies Greedo and Bib Fortuna. His new Sebulba cap was perched backward on his slimy head, and his smile was smug.

"Han Solo!" he said, his short arms outstretched, "Welcome, dude!"

"Whatta you want, Hutt?"

Jabba gave a slow chuckle. "Oh, Solo. Chill. I just have a job for you."

Han raised a sceptical eyebrow. "Why can't Greedo or Bib do it?"

"Because," Jabba motioned for Han to come closer. Han shuffled forward, and Jabba then whispered into his ear. "Because, Han, between you and me? They're a bunch of boneheads. You, my friend, are the real dude . . ." he leaned back.

Han let that sink in. "So what do you want me to do?"

Jabba grinned. "I knew you'd take the challenge. Okay, you know my red root beer? The stuff I sell during lunch?"

"Yeah . . ."

"Well, I need to keep them cold, or the customers won't buy. So, what I need you to do is put my cases of root beer into the coldest part of the fridge in the school kitchen."

Han's eyebrows were trying to go to Heaven. "Really, Jabba? Get your own fridge! You don't need me to do something as stupid as that."

Jabba gave Han a dry grin. "Ah, but here is where we differ. You are Han Solo, trouble-maker, er – 'bad boy of the school' – and I know you will do a great job. Besides, since when does Han Solo skip an adventure such as this?"

Han's eyes crinkled in amusement. Did he sense Jabba, the school bully, _praising_ and _begging_ him? Besides, he had a reputation to keep. Han's doubts and suspicions slipped.

"Okay," he nodded, "Let's do this."


	2. Chapter 2

Lugging the boxes of root beer down the school halls without getting caught was laborious. By the time Han reached the kitchen door, he was sweating and panting so hard he was sure he left some puddles on the school floor.

"At least the fridge will be cold," he murmured to himself as he slowly opened the door and peeked in. Nobody was there. Good.

He sighed, then dragged the boxes into the kitchen. There. The walk-in fridge's stainless steel door gleamed, unlike the rest of the kitchen, which was grimy and stunk from today's bantha meat stew. Or was it Tauntaun? Han never could tell, and he was happy he couldn't. The less he knows about cafeteria food, the better.

 _You're getting off-task,_ Han thought to himself, _get the job done already_.

His muscles strained as he used his remaining energy to carry the root beer and open the steel door to the fridge.

The inside was freezing, all right. It froze Han's sweat and left him shivering. He made sure the fridge door was propped open before entering.

"The coldest part," he said to himself, "right. That's all the way at the end." He kicked the boxes and they slid to the end of the fridge.

"Well, that's done." Han wiped his hands onto his pants. "Now I'm leaving."

Suddenly he heard a creak.

"Huh?" he said, turning around . . . just in time to see the door slam shut. The inside of the fridge was enveloped in darkness.

"No! No!" Han Solo yelled, banging his fists onto the steel door. On the other side, silence.

Han sunk to his knees, head in hands. Where was his blaster when he needed it?


	3. Chapter 3

"Hey, Luke!" Leia called out to Luke.

Luke whirled around. "H-hi Leia." Luke blushed.

"Why are you –" oh, right. That kiss. Awkward. "Well – er – okay, hi. Do you know where Han is?"

Luke's silly grin dropped. "Why?"

"Oh, for Heaven's sake! We were paired up for an assignment on Navigation and we have to get it finished soon or I will blow up his smug little face personally."

Luke shrugged. "I dunno where he is. Did you ask Chewie?"

"Oh!" Leia face-palmed. "I forgot. Do you know where he is?"

"Raaaaawr!" came a sound from behind them.

"Speaking of the devil," Leia heard Luke mumble next to her.

"Chewie!" she hugged the shaggy walking carpet. "Do you know where Han is?"

"Rawr Rara Rar Rooooooaaaar!" Chewie responded.

Leia's mouth formed a frown. "He did, did he? Well, is he finished?"

"Rawr!" Chewie covered his eyes with his shaggy paws.

"What happened?" Luke asked.

"Leia gulped. "Jabba, that's what happened. Come on."

She grabbed Luke's wrist and yanked him with her as she ran towards the school kitchen.

"Anyone in there?" Luke whispered loudly to Leia.

"Shh . . . Lunch Lady Grievous is in there."

"What's he doing – ow!"

"Shh! He's getting ready for tomorrow's lunch!" Leia shuddered. "I don't think I'm gonna eat tomorrow's cafeteria food. "

"So let's get Han! Let's create a distraction!"

Leia jumped off of Luke's back and onto the school floor. Got any ideas?"

Luke's face contorted into a thinking face. Then his eyes lit up. "I got it! Come on!" this time it was _his_ turn to grab Leia's wrist as he pulled her with him . . . to the parking lot.

"You sure about this?" Leia whispered sharply to Luke.

"Positive." Luke checked behind him to make sure the two droids were following. "He won't miss them at all."

Finally, they reached the kitchen door. Leia used R2-D2 this time to see through the window on the top of the door. "He's still there. Okay, Artoo and Threepio, I need you two to create a distraction in the kitchen for me."

"Well, what type of distraction?" C-3PO asked, somehow managing to still be annoying.

"Just try something! Anything!" Leia hissed. "Just get Grievous out the kitchen!" she jumped off R2-D2. "Go, go, go!"

R2-D2 ploughed through the doors, beeping loudly and flashing lights. C-3PO wobbled in, muttering, "oh dear, oh dear. This is not in my programming."

Leia and Luke hid under a table conveniently located next to the kitchen doors. They heard a big BOOM! followed by a slew of curses, and Leia barely could keep herself from laughing.

Suddenly the kitchen doors burst open and a very angry Lunch Lady Grievous was chasing an R2 unit with one ladle in its robotic arm.

"Get back here, you pest!" Grievous was shouting, "That's my favourite ladle!" his voice gradually faded away as he disappeared down the hall.

Luke and Leia made their move. Quickly, Leia slammed the doors open and pulled open the fridge door. She went inside, making sure that Luke was holding the door open.

"Brrrrr! This fridge is almost as cold as Hoth!" she mumbled to herself.

"When did you go to Hoth?" Luke called from the door.

"Hmmm? Oh, for vacation. Not the best vacation to remember. Han?" she called to the crumpled body on the floor. She could just barely hear an answer, it was so weak.

She grabbed Han's hand and dragged him out.

"Quick, Luke! Help me get him outside! It'll warm him up."

Taking an arm each around their shoulders, Luke and Leia made a group effort to carry Han out. Outside was baking hot, just perfect to defrost a body. Han, now conscious, was shivering and clinging onto Luke and Leia like they were a life-saver and he was drowning.

"I'm-I'm o-okay-y n-now. Y-you c-can put-t m-me d-down-n n-now." Han sputtered out.

They let go of him, and he spilled onto the grass.

Suddenly Han looked up wildly. "I can't see! I can't see! I'm blind! I'm blind!" he yelled.

Leia shushed Han and spoke in a soothing voice, calming Han down. Once she told Han what happened, Han growled. "I'm gonna get that slug and dump a whole truckload of salt on him, that wretch."

"Well, that's all nice, but we got a project to finish," Leia slapped his back, then quickly said, "once you've recovered, of course."

Suddenly Han was barrelled by a very shaggy fur carpet.

"Chewie?" Han sounded confused.

"Rawrg!" Chewie responded, wrapping himself around Han, trying to keep him toasty-warm.

Leia laughed. "Well, we can learn a very valuable lesson from this."

"And what is that?"

"Don't listen to Jabba anymore, Laserbrain! Now, while you recover, I'll outline what we need to do for our assignment . . ."

"Oh, brother." Han pushed Chewie's hands away. "But I guess annoying friends are better than no friends."

"Shut up." Luke and Leia said at the same time.


End file.
